age six racer

dear grace

i pray for your life, your journey and your beautiful soul, that it would be everything that you are, and that God is. God desires for us to be perfectly US, in love with him and his cause. I pray this for you. The world is so BIG sometimes i dont know what to think about or where to start and i get depressed. This year i want to be a year where i become me, i delve into my MEness and find God completely satisfied in that, fueling the heart passionate for his cause, the heart deep inside me, the heart he created. All the things that God wants me to do is so perfectly crafted as apart of who i am, anything else would just simply be foreign. Its natural for characters like us to change the world grace. didnt you know that? because thats who we are, its like apart of us. God didnt create mediocre people that sit around and watch soap operas all day. Jesus had greater things in mind, to deal with justice and love. i like the idea: ‘to know God, to change the world’. Knowing God simply compels you to want to change the world. To love like no one else does, to give as no one else does, to listen, to smile, to laugh, to hold out a helping hand. you cannot know God and not be compelled to try and do something about injustice that we often see. they come hand in hand, like two walking feet on the same body.

i guess you could call this being like Jesus to people, but that sounds a little super spiritual. Im completely convinced though that Jesus calls us to above ordinary things, because he didnt just create this life for abit of fun. He created it as a story of faith and trust and love and hope. His gift of free will is one of his greatest creations ever, and he watches us unfold it and let it play out. whether we choose to make that great faith leap and trust in Him or not.

post #22

come over here and sit next to me. Whisper to me the things of old, the things which made us so happy. Searching old emails and moments, we were so beautiful in our brilliant words and long letters, holding life like a new-born. Falling for the superficial, we clung to the drama which seemed to stifle what real life was supposed to be about.

I wish to forget all thats happened, to meet you once again with my memory erased, happy with a new friend.

but of course this can never happen. from a distance you will always be in my heart, no matter how much you think you dislike me. really, i was too proud to let you know who i was. don’t throw the rocks yet, i was in the same boat as you, i didn’t know either. it’s all changing now though, i’m finding out who the dignified character inside me is; and it’s quite refreshing.
well then have a good life friend.
dave. 

big-city kids.

Dear R,

i havent told you about this blog yet. Suprise suprise. Im not really sure why either, maybe its because i think you might have lost interest? Or that i always think you’re writing is amazing and all my ramblings aren’t really worth anything. Yeh i dont really know, but ill tell you eventually, after all, you are the inspiratiton for this blog. Ive had a pretty bad day, but i dont want to tell you that or feel the need to tell you that, because ive already vented to someone. Ventation is good, to get over stuff and move on. Theres a thin line between ventation and whining though i reckon. bad and sad things cant rule us forever, we must break through and let love take its toll, wherever it comes from. thats what being human is all about.
I really do hope that you are going okay. i hope i can mean that genuinly, uno, that i can have the capacity to love and mean good things for people.
Well update me soon, ill update you when i can, i have lots to say.
maybe we can start writing again, i’d really like that.
anyway its sleep time for me, and i really need my sleep.
Take care

Love D.

falling weight.

You are so beautiful and important. Someone wanted me to tell you that.

for-gone

its hard when you want something you cant get, when its too far from your reach, your sphere, your world, your life. Its a painful battle you have with yourself, whether to give it all up, or to continue wanting something you cant have. Its worse when its all you think about, when you think its so much of you, so much of who you are. it seems you can never be content, never happy.
you conclude. the only reason you cant have it is you. you are the problem. if only you could change you, everything would be different.
So you get stuck in an absolute cycle of sick sick change, for pety pety things, which somehow get you closer to what you cant have. False hope strings you along, you follow the crowd with no path of your own, changing for status quo, changing for him and her.
You have lost yourself and there is nothing you can do about it.
You sold yourself to a hopeless fantasy, and now you sit lonely and cold, wishing for nothing.
This is your personal disaffection.